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R.I.P. To my dear friend, Anisa Fujah. The Ones who miss you are those who didn’t get to know you. The rest of us are blessed. 

(Originally Written Tuesday, Jan 9th 2012)

Funerals… The one thing I won’t miss that I’m in no rush to get to. Todays gonna be rough. When you’re sick, you don’t want people to worry, don’t want to worry yourself or you just want to be optimistic. Maybe you’ve not looking so hot and you don’t want people you love see you that way. Trust and believe, I get that on every level. honestly, I can’t say that if God forbid, I was in that situation, I wouldn’t be the exact same way for the exact same reasons.

But on the other side of that, if something goes wrong, the people who care, who matter, are left without the chance to say goodbye. Now I’m riding through my old hood in Queens to Roy L. Gilmore funeral home for one of my oldest friends feeling like I’m in a bad dream. I have “this is, not happening…” on repeat in my head. All because I never even knew she was sick. My but-I-was-just-with em mentality won’t let the shock wear off. I’ve No chance to defy the possibility that things may go wrong. No chance to have a visit, have a laugh, pray with them. No chance to show and prove that you love and support them.

So what’s the right thing to do? Not allow yourself to become a burden? Or give friends a chance to prove their with you through thick and thin? I don’t know the right answer… But the whole “Tell people you love them because you never know” thing is REALLY sinking in. I just wish it didn’t feel like acid and I hope and pray my friend knew before she went, that she was always loved.

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